Smarmoofus Spot

I’m back again!  I missed a couple of weeks (sorry, Mr. O!), but there was no way I would miss this one!  This week’s Tasty Tuesday theme is… wait for it… CHOCOLATE!  Woo!

Valentine’s Day is around the corner (send me presents!*), and the aroma of chocolate is in the air!

I don’t eat candy frequently, choosing instead to get all of my sugar from soda, but I do enjoy the occasional sweet treat.  However, since way back when I was too poor to afford it, I used to keep Dove Promises® on hand for my friends, and very rarely myself.  It really got going back in my old state job, when I’d keep a candy dish filled with milk and dark chocolate Dove Promises® in my office, and any time I brought a massive pile of work to my shared secretary, I’d place a couple of promises on top of the stack.  In between massive piles of work, if she was having a bad day, she would come in and just help herself.

A few years after that job, when I was “living with” the Megamoo, I learned early on that he loves anything sweet, but especially chocolate.  So I again started keeping a dish full of Dove Promises® on hand.  I always kept a bowl in the middle of the kitchen table, so he could grab a piece whenever he wanted one.  And I kept an eye on that bowl, too, to be sure we never ran out.  If I packed his lunch, I’d usually tuck a Promise® into his lunch cooler.

I don’t have a secretary or a partner to supply with chocolate any longer.  So now I forget to buy it.  And, frustratingly, I occasionally crave it, but don’t have it on hand.  For the past month, I have been checking the pantry and the ‘fridge, looking for something to satisfy my chocolate craving in the evenings.  Stupidly, when I found myself at the store, I never remembered that I wanted chocolate.  But today, my bother’s girlfriend was about to leave for the grocery store and asked if I wanted her to get anything for me, and I remembered to ask for chocolate!  So she brought me a bag of Dove Dark Chocolate Promises® and a candy bar of inferior quality but superior nostalgia.  Yay chocolate!

 * I happily accept intangible gifts, so send me your love if that’s all you can spare.

My mother and I took my niece, Cierra, out for a playdate today.  First stop: Cici’s Pizza, for the all-you-can-eat buffet.  Cierra and I were playing and talking while my mother ordered, but Cierra heard my mother say, “Two adults, one child.”  Concerned, Cierra pulled me down close and said to me, in all earnestness, “[Smarmy], I think Grandma messed up.  She said two adults and one child… shouldn’t it be one adult and two children?  You’re a child, too… aren’t you?”

I was taken aback!  But after only a brief hesitation, I grinned big, nodded, and said rather loudly, “You’re absolutely right, Cierra.  I am a child.  Grandma, you messed up.”  And the manager who served us changed mine to the children’s price!  Go discount!

On the other hand, my niece thinks I’m a child.  I want to believe that means I’m doing everything right, but I can’t help wondering whether it really means I’m doing something wrong.

It’s time, once again, for another installment of Mr. O’s new foody meme: Tasty Tuesday.  This week’s theme is yellow.  My submission for yellow also could have served for last week’s theme of toppings.  What is it?  Why… it’s…

Mustard!  Nom nom!

My interest in mustard was an abrupt development.   When I was a child, I would throw a typical childish tantrum if Burger King or McDonald’s got my order wrong, or if my parents “forgot” to order my burger without mustard.  Wiping it off doesn’t work.  No matter how little yellow residue you’ve left behind, we all know you can still taste it.  Yuck!

But then an odd thing happened.  I still hated mustard… couldn’t stand it.  But one day in my sophomore year of highschool, I was sitting in my sixth period honors geometry class and I suddenly realized I was hungry.  I mean, distractingly, who-gives-a-flying-flip-about-geometry?! hungry.  And, what’s more, I knew exactly what I wanted: a mustard burger.  That is, a full-size hamburger with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and mustard. Lots of mustard.  Me!  I hated mustard, and I wanted it so bad I couldn’t think straight.

So school finally ended, my mother met me out front (she often dropped me off and picked me up… I guess she was bored? I dunno, but I liked it), and as I climed into the only SUV we ever owned, I told her of my need.  She looked at me like she’d just picked up the wrong highschooler, but she said, “Uhh… okay.”  And we drove the couple of miles to the nearest Dairy Queen.  And so began my love affair with a condiment I had, to that day, spurned.  That day was the first time I ever consumed more than a junior hamburger (from any establishment) in a sitting.  I inhaled that full-sized burger with mustard.  Then I looked around for more food.  And my mother stared at me like I was crazy.

Now I eat mustard in all its varieties: stone ground, dijon, spicy brown, European, yellow American… I even enjoy mustard seed-encrusted roasted meats.  Whatever its form, I love mustard!   But it will always be associated with the color yellow.

Mmmmm, mmm!  Mr. O brings us back for another week of Tasty Tuesday.  This week’s theme is toppings, and I’m excited to share with you the wonder… the magic… the fabulousness of green chile sauce…

“WANT!” – Photo Date: March 13 , 2008; Location: Taco Time in Missoula, MT, USA

I first became aware of this tantalizingly tangy topping while working my way through university on a Taco Bell crew.  Composed of diced chile peppers, jalapenos, vinegar, and a blend of spices, this adds a zesty-but-not-hot accent to your messy, messy Mexican-esque food.  It is simply amazing.  But if you go out looking for this stuff, do not be fooled!  Check the ingredients before consuming your green sauce.  The good stuff is made from green chiles, not tomatillos.  The tomatillo-based stuff is bland, bland, bland (or bland hot).  You want tangy deliciousness, not boring heat.

Unfortunately, every Taco Bell I’ve visited in the last several years has stopped carrying green sauce.  There are rumors on the Web that it is still manufactured, but it’s an optional condiment that most stores don’t bother to order.  I have not confirmed that rumor.  However, while traveling across country last year, I followed a friend’s advice and visited the first Taco Time restaurant I came to (this one was in Missoula, Montana… thank you, Taco Time of Missoula, Montana!).  I don’t really remember the food much (sorry friend, and sorry Taco Time).  What I do remember is walking over to the bins of taco sauce offerings while waiting for my order to be completed and finding Green Hot Sauce!  You can be sure I “stole” as many packets as I could reasonably get away with.  I literally stuffed my pockets to bulging. My only regret is that I didn’t take more.

Since returning from that road trip, I discovered Mrs. Renfro’s green  sauce, which has jalapenos as its primary ingredient.  While better than the tomatillo stuff, it’s just not quite right.  I believe you can sometimes find green chile-based enchilada sauce in cans by various brands in your grocery story, but who wants to open a whole can to drizzle a little bit on a taco?  Put it in jars, people!  Jars are the cans of the future!  In the end, this has become a topping I crave but cannot find.  *sigh*

(Incidentally, I am happy to receive shipments of green sauce packets from either Taco Bell or Taco Time, if any of you come across any.  Please email me for a ship-to address.)

I’m going to assume that beverages are accepted in this new meme.  When I think of party foods, I think of cake, cookies, veggie trays, cheese trays, and…

FIZZLY!

“What is ‘fizzly’?” you may be wondering.  “Fizzly” is the label my sister applied to sparkling red grape juice several years ago, and it stuck.  For past celebrations my parents would put out bottles of non-alcoholic sparkling grape juice so us kids (and teetotalers) could help ourselves.  And we did.  Even now that I’m all grown up, when I see it stocked in vast quantities this time of year, I am likely to pick up several bottles for a mini-party of my own.

It’s finally here!  The first episode of Tasty Tuesday has arrived!  Mr. O, of The Oquirrh Mountain Man blog, asks us to create a post this week to address the theme of Food Traditions.  And what better food tradition is there this holiday season than the perennial candy cane?

Red and white, hook-shaped confections of pepperminty goodness, the candy cane can be found virtually anywhere one looks throughout the month.  And if by some chance, you find that you cannot find any, stop by my place.  I’ll share.