Smarmoofus Spot

Another Flash Fiction story for your enjoyment. This is my fourth short short story:

“Welcome to Dairy Queen, may I help you?”
“Yes… I’d like a large mocha Moolatte.”
“I’m sorry, did you say large, sir?”
“Unless you’ve got anything bigger…?”
“Megamoo?”
“MegamOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo!”
(laughing) “Can I get you anything else, sir?”
“No, that should do it.”
(still laughing) “That will be two-forty-three. Please pull up to the window.”
“Thanks!”

Some day my Flash “Fiction” entries may actually be fiction. But this story is too funny not to share. Incredibly, this is not the time I laughed until I farted, even though at this particular Dairy Queen they didn’t use those discreet headsets that most drivethru places have, but instead employ rather antiquated loud-speaker drivethru order-taking equipment.  When we pulled up to the window, every person in that place was laughing.

is brought to you by susiestheboss.

Sorry I missed last week. Thanksgiving, and all. I didn’t expect much, but my family went all out this year.

Anyway, for my second Half-Nekkid Thursday submission, I would like to share with you the only photo I have of my ex and I together (from an eighteen-months-long relationship). I know other photos of us were taken on other peoples’ cameras, but since the breakup I’ve been kind of cut off from those other people. And, besides, they’re probably not pictures of me that I’d want to share, anyway. I’ll work on real HNT type pics for future weeks.

I choose to show this today because yesterday, after three months of trying to work through the issues behind the breakup, I finally gave up and told him goodbye. Maybe someday he will realize the error he made in letting me go and learn to trust his emotions. Until then, I’ve lost the best friend I ever had.

I took this in October 2006 at a commercial apple orchard and cider mill. Going for cider and donuts is an annual event that he really looks forward to, and last year we did it together. I don’t know if he went this year.

is a meme brought to you by Osbasso.

To my knowledge, this is the only doll that I’ve ever owned. I’ve had countless plush toys, especially stuffed bears, but this is the only doll. My mother bought her for me when I was about 5 years old. My older sister and two friends (who are sisters) each got the same doll at the same time. The dolls came with the red lace-trimmed dress she’s wearing in this picture, a white flannel nightgown with tiny red flowers on it, a mint green play dress, and two pairs of shoes (red ones and white ones). I still have the doll and all three outfits, but of course the shoes are a distant memory. The paint that defines her eyes has started to run due to age (she’s nearly 30 years old!) , so she looks like she’s crying. The look is appropriate today.

And that’s a lot of words for “Wordless” Wednesday.

is a meme brought to you by Kdubs, based on an original idea by Uisce.

Penelope Anne, hostess of The Cafe at the End of the Universe (Douglas Adams reference?), asked for assistance with making an image link. This is my response:

If you are doing HTML code, use the following. The red parts are the opening and closing link tags. The black part is the image tag. You’ll replace the bits inside the quotation marks with the actual link and image file locations (keep the quotation marks).

I don’t know what blogging engine you use, if any, but if you simply click on a button to insert an image or link, do that as normal to put your image in there, then click on the image to select it, then click on the “link” button to put in your url and turn the image into a link (I use Wordpress, and that’s how I do it).

Good luck!

I always wanted to make my mark on the world. I wanted to influence the minds and hearts of millions, through my words or my deeds. I wanted to know that people would remember me long after I was gone. I wanted my own chapter in the history books. When I was 10, I decided I would achieve this by becoming the first female President of the United States. In my teens, I realized the real power was in a cooperative Congress, so I directed my goals that way. I kept my nose clean (at least on paper!), I stayed out of trouble (it’s amazing what you can get away with *wink*)… I took political science courses, sociology courses, classes on social justice, creative writing and rhetoric, and I went to law school. I even had a summer internship with my U.S. Representative.

Throughout all of this preparation, I formed certain perceptions on public persuasion. At my most egomaniacal moments, I viewed the populace as a field of grass, and I was a giant waving my hand over the heads of the people–the blades of grass–bending them to my will. They were supple. Flexible. Yielding to my words. Benevolently, I vowed to only use my powers for good.

When I felt I was ready, I got involved with my local political party, becoming an active volunteer. A year later I ran for for my first office: Justice of the Peace.

I lost in the primary.

I think my sister has a better idea. She wants to use a giant laser to make her mark on the moon.

is a meme brought to you by Skittles!

(click image for larger view)

is a weekly macro photo challenge hosted by Carlo Ferroni.

This week’s 55 Flash Fiction was inspired by a phone call. A friend of my ex-boyfriend was feeling a bit overwhelmed. Poor guy.

“She’s the most important person to me. I just wanted to know she was safe.”

“Just tell her you were disappointed that she was acting normal after you did something so important today. You felt closer to her, but she didn’t know and wasn’t there.”

“I will… Thanks.”

“She’ll understand after you pop the question.”

is brought to you by susiestheboss.

is a meme brought to you by Kdubs, based on an original idea by Uisce.

This week’s Heads or Tails theme asks us to discuss something we thought we’d never do or say, but now we do. Because Skittles posts upcoming themes at least a week in advance, I knew this was coming since before I talked about my Road last week. I thought about this “assignment” off and on over the last eight days, turning over my lack-of-ideas in my mind, trying to come up with something deep and profound. I had hoped a concept would grab me so intensely that I would channel it and sit here at my keyboard like a zombie as my post wrote itself days in advance of this “deadline”. Like every paper I ever wrote in every academic institution I ever attended, that has not happened–despite starting the post several times before now. Invariably, I would get as far as writing the title (which is even provided for me by Skittles!) before admitting defeat and allowing my distractions to distract me.

So for my “Never Say Never” theme, I have to go with my perennial vow to never procrastinate again! Every time I find myself up at 4:30 in the morning scrambling to put something into words so I can submit it at the very last second and get any grade because any grade is better than a zero, I promise myself that next time… next time I will start earlier. Next time I will pace myself. Next time I won’t practically kill myself trying to get it all done in one sitting because I don’t have time for any more sittings because I squandered all my time up ’til then doing nothing productive and having nothing to show for it.

And then ‘next time’ arrives and I sit down and open a new Word document, and I stare at my flashing cursor… I might even write half of my first sentence. But then I stall. And I convince myself that I still have three weeks to think about it before I really need to begin writing. There’s still six weeks before I need to have a rough draft composed. Twelve whole weeks remain before the first revision has to be turned in to my professor. So much time… so little pressure. And I remember how I work better under pressure. So I convince myself that I should just close this now and come back to it when I feel that compulsion. Yes, I’ll work on it some more later. There’s plenty of time.

And twelve weeks turns into twelve hours every time.

And then as the deadline looms overwhelmingly upon me, I wish I had something better to write about. Even now for this meme, I’d hoped I would think of some trait I picked up from my parents, or some annoying thing that I do which I swore I’d never do. I’m sure I do many things which annoy others, but I don’t think I ever thought of them when I was younger to swear them off before starting them. I don’t have children of my own, so I can’t even blame my parenting habits on my mother! So I guess my “I will never procrastinate again” vow will have to do.

But maybe I could talk about my “I will never blog, write an online journal, or any of that stuff!” vow. Hrm… (*chagrin* my apologies to all my fellow bloggers out there)… Yes, that’s a good one…! And as it turns out, that vow is what led me to meet my ex-boyfriend, may my memories of him rest in pieces.

For, you see, we both happened to be members of a free online match site which also has fun tests and things (I joined for the quizzes… honest!), and I logged in one day after a long absence to discover they had added a new “journal” feature. I was so disturbed to find that the online journaling phenomenon had reached into that site that I posted to my journal–rather ironically, I thought–a post entitled “Oh, no… here, too?” railing against the whole blogging/journaling craze. What I didn’t know when I wrote that post was that unless you specify otherwise, new posts are basically broadcast site-wide. So ex came across it and messaged me… and the rest is history. Sadly, literally. And now I have this *gestures wildly* blog… named after a word he invented.

I am procrastinating blogger… wait long enough and you can hear me roar.

is a meme brought to you by Skittles!

(Click the image for larger version.)

This is not a bug. In fact, I don’t really know what it is. But it wasn’t of Kingdom Animalia at all. Whether Plantae or Fungi–or neither!–I leave for you to determine. If someone knows what it is (found in nature, it was almost spherical and approximately 3cm in diameter), please feel free to leave a comment with that information. I would greatly appreciate it.

is a weekly macro photo challenge hosted by Carlo Ferroni.