Smarmoofus Spot

I wasn’t going to participate in Heads or Tails this week.  Mostly because I don’t know any good jokes, and I couldn’t think of another angle for the word “joke”.  I mean, it is pretty much what it is.  But I was looking at Mom’s Journal and saw the category heading for Baby Squeezins, and it reminded me of the worst (most effective?) practical joke ever played on me…

I must’ve been about fourteen, and my little brother about two.  And he made a poopie in his diaper.  So my father went off to change my brother’s diaper.  The layout of our house at that time was such that my brother’s bedroom (formerly the formal dining room, converted to a bedroom because there were just so many of us) was very near to the kitchen.  So my dad disappeared to that region of the house with my stinky brother.  And several minutes later, my dad reappeared from that region of the house without my stinky brother, but with an open diaper in his hands.

Now, before I tell you what happened next, I should preface this by saying that when my little sister was about the age that my brother was then, I gave her she found a dime, put it in her mouth, and swallowed it.  Then she came to me and said, “[Smarmy], I swallowed my penny.”  So I told my parents what happened (minus the part where I gave her the coin), and they took her to the emergency room.  Xrays revealed that she did, in fact, swallow a small coin, but it had already gotten past her stomach by the time they xrayed her, so the best treatment they could offer was to watch to make sure it passed and keep an eye on her for signs of bowel impaction or infection.  So for the next few days, every time she got changed, we sifted through her poop looking for the dime.  It passed without further incident.

So a year and a half later, my father changed my brother’s dirty diaper.

“[Smarm]! You have to see this… you won’t believe what your brother ate…–uuuh… uuhhhhhh…. uuhhh…. ACHOO!” and with that, he face-planted into the open diaper.

I squealed.  Then my father pulled the diaper away from his face and he was dripping with putty-brown goo.  And then I was doing more than squealing… I was jumping up and down, running in cirlces, not sure what to do to fix it.  My father just got a face full of poop!  I was horrified and disgusted and concerned, all at the same time.  And then…

And then I was confused.  Because my dad started laughing.  And, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think a face full of poop is funny.  Nope, not the least bit amusing.  So I stared at him, trying to figure out what just happened.

He finally revealed that what I thought was my brother’s mushy poop was, in fact, peanut butter.  After changing the real diaper (the contents of which resembled peanut butter, and that inspired him), he washed his hands, took a new diaper to the kitchen, scooped a generous spoonful of peanut butter into it, then came out to put on his little show.  I did not ask for an encore.

 
is a meme brought to you by Skittles!

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