55 Flash Fiction Friday: Intensity
This is an old poem I wrote, way back in the year 2000. I had to add two words to make it fit the 55, but that was surprisingly easy–it didn’t even mess up the tempo of the piece. I’m pleased. Do our 55s have to be prose?
Palpable rage merged with longing
reverberating under and throughout his skin.
His hand flies up, does not strike her,
screaming, “why do you torment me so?!”She stares in helpless fear and longing,
willing his hand to touch her skin.
Just out of reach, too close too far,
screaming, “why do you torment me so?!”
If your comments are extra gentle, I might show you some more some day. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m so full of myself. You’ll see it all eventually. Except the ones that make me cringe when I re-read them. You probably won’t get to see those. (Frustratingly, the one that makes me cringe the most gets the most response from people who see it… why is that?)
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December 21st, 2007 at 4:42 am
That was awesome….how we all see things differently….but so true too.
Peace.
(Send that email for the 55!!! :-)
December 21st, 2007 at 4:59 am
What Odat said – send that email!! I don’t think it matters what our 55’s are – the story is the important thing. That was amazing.
December 21st, 2007 at 6:06 am
Why would you cringe at this?
I thought it was awesome!
Writing is fun..
Blogging is fun..
You are fun!!
Thank You for this opportunity to enter your intriguing mind..
Thanks for playing…Galen
December 21st, 2007 at 8:20 am
wonderfully done. tremendous how you cover two perspectives so compactly and so well. no 55s do not have to be prose. heck they don’t even have to be fictional. i’ve done poetry in the past too.
December 21st, 2007 at 10:31 am
I thought your 55 was fantastic! :)
December 21st, 2007 at 11:15 am
No, I don’t think the 55s have to be prose….and that was awesome! I loved it. I would love to see more.
Happy Friday!!!!
December 21st, 2007 at 12:24 pm
That is a feeling so oft felt… My heart missed a beat at your 55. It is so awesome no doubt.. it is so heartfelt , it is so intense! I love that poem & I would love to see more 55 or otherwise…
December 21st, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Why is it a woman would long for a man’s touch, and then fill him with rage? Women are so, so, soooooo, illogical.
December 21st, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Great 55, BTW.
December 21st, 2007 at 8:37 pm
“Palpable rage merged with longing
reverberating under and throughout his skin”
amazing….
what does palpable mean? lol
December 21st, 2007 at 9:31 pm
This is amazing, very good!
Totally explains the lack of communication between these two.
Sad, but seen so often.
This is a work of art, my friend!
December 22nd, 2007 at 6:18 am
Superb 55,I have had trouble getting to your blog to make comments, but I’m here at last and it was well worth it.
December 24th, 2007 at 1:01 am
excellent!
If this is something you wrote 7 YEARS AGO I can’t WAIT to read some of your current stuff!
wow!!!